11 Ways to Misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

Over the next month and a bit the Christian Festival circuit will continue to burst back into life from the covid hibernation. With festivals such as Keswick, Greenbelt. Satellites, Creation Fest, there is also Festival Manchester. Or #FestivalManchester according to Twitter.

As a former Manchester student, I couldn’t resist the prompt to imagine different ways to misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

Obviously if you get into trouble for any of this, well… don’t blame me.

Anyway…

1. Wear a red shirt, chant “City are the Best!”, then wait for the forbearance of Christ to be displayed around you.
2. Cosplay as a Christian Gallagher brother.
3. Bring  a petition for an annual Manchester Passion.
4. Walk around blessing everyone, in a Scouse accent.
5. Advertise a City of Manchester event. Address of the event is in Salford.
6. Spread a rumour that The World Wide Message Tribe are back. Sob quietly when you realise that young people are looking at you, with a look of confused worry across their face.
7. Bring a sign offering free hugs to Manchester United supporters.
8. Offer baptisms in the canal.
9. Start a survey asking if Jesus had a brew, what would it be.
10. Ask why songs by James / oasis / Happy Mondays / The Smiths / Joy Division aren’t in the worship set list.
11. Go the pub. Party. Ache the next morning when you remember that you’re not a student anymore, and Iittle child is jumping on you.

Any more that should be added? Please comment below.

With thanks to @DavePiperDJ for the idea…

10 Games To Play At A One Day Christian Conference

You’re there at a One Day Christian Conference.
You could learn something, or you could play a game or two.
If you’re here, you’re probably wanting to play a game… Here’s some game ideas….

1. Assume a different identity, every time you introduce yourself to someone. Not just a different name, but different accent, different way of walking, different way of smiling, etc…
2. Stand in the middle of a crowd, shout for “John”. When “John” answers, walk over to him and talk to him like you’ve known him for ever.
3. When someone is speaking during the conference, try and get from the back to the front of the hall without being seen.
4. Do the above, whilst humming the Mission Impossible theme.
5. See how much free stuff you can grab from the merchandise / information stands. Bonus points if you give them someone else’s contact / mailing details.
6. Sit in the middle of the hall, make sure you hemmed in from all angles, that theres people all around, with no easy way to get in or out. At that point, grab your phone, and order a domino’s pizza.*
7. Provide a service by arranging a charging station for everyones mobile phones.
8. Earn money by charging people £1 per battery percent for the above service… dont tell anyone you’re basically plugged into the venues power sockets.
9. During the morning time, offer to grab people coffee. When you return ask for a tip, if they dont tip… make them WEAR that coffee!!!
10. Throw on some really tight exercise gear and encourage people to do a 5 minute exercise session with you.

*Bonus points if you order the pizza for the current speaker… and time it so the pizza guy comes in whilst they are speaking.

Any other game ideas?

Managing Mischief At A Christian Festival

Over the next month and a half there will be various Christian Festivals all around England, that will attract many Christians from all different Churches over the place. With festivals such as Momentum, New Wine, Soul Survivor, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

As its the Summer Christian Festival Season, it is also time for the annual Church Sofa list of the best ways to create trouble at a Christian Festival… Consider this list in case you get bored or something…

1. Spend the week “springing” around the festival. When questioned explain that you thought you were at Spring Harvest. (You may only want to actually do this at Spring Harvest*)
2. Bring supplies of spare wellies** to sell. If its a hot sunny week, spray water over the grounds early in the morning in an attempt to convince people the weather is about to turn nasty.
3. Greet people you meet with a Holy Kiss.
4. Set up a stall offering to wash peoples feet. Once done charge them a tenner. If they say no, chase after them with the cheesey feet water.
5. Run around naked, when challenged explain you are trying to recreate the world before The Fall.
6. If you’re at Soul Survivor in Somerset, walk around planting “Goodbye” cards into the ground.
7. “Borrow” a radio from one of the stewards. Begin whispering down the radio whenever they start to look bored. Topic of whispering is up to you.
8. Make notes about how much more biblical your Christian Festival is compared to others!
9. Open a stand offering to exchange people’s old wine for “New wine”. Run away before people realise that the “New wine”, is in fact, Ribena.
10. Bring a megaphone to the festival with you. Early during the first morning, scream into the megaphone, then hide it quickly. When people rush to your tent to ask whats wrong, apologise and explain you just had a nightmare. Explain its been a problem since your tent was flooded one year at a previous Christian Festival. Be warned, you may end up with severe Prayer Ministry if you do this.

Any that you would like to add?

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

*As if you do this anywhere else, people may look at you strangely
** I may have checked the spelling of that a few times.

Spreading Joy at A Christian Festival

Sofa may receive some some money (not much) if you click on some of the links below…

Over the next month and a bit there will be loads of Christian Festivals all around England, which will attract many Christians from many different Churches from all over the place. With festivals such as Momentum, New Wine, Soul Survivor, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

In an attempt to get into the Festival spirit, Sofa decided to write the annual Church Sofa list of the best ways to create trouble at a Christian Festival ask around for ways to spread some “Joy” at these events…

1. Have a supply of sweets to give out to people.
2. Be servant hearted. Serve warm milky hot chocolate each night of the festival to the tents around you. On the last night, mix it up with espresso.
3. Walk up to any musicians / famous Christian singer types and ask if they are U2.
4. Print a T-Shirt saying “Its not like it used to be around here”.
5. Walk around with an open wifi hotspot in your pocket. Lock it down so people can only access another festival website.
6. Lead late night worship sessions. Ensure the worship is honest, by not tuning your guitar… not singing in tune… Also ensure that God can hear by singing loudly.
7. Ask people if they’ve heard of the Delirious reunion tour, and their “Holy Troublemakers” single*?
8. Ask everyone for their signature, explain they are all famous in Gods eyes. (Don’t ask famous Christians for their autograph)
9. Tweet a photo of random peoples signatures to @thechurchsofa. Help me feel included in with the fun.
10. Be servant hearted. Serve coffee each morning of the festival. Ensure it’s decaf on the last morning.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

*i may have made this up, but there is a song on Stu G’s “The Beatitudes Project” called Holy Troublemakers, which could be mistaken for a reunion.

Alternative Activities During A Christian Festival

Christian festivals are great. Loads of stuff happening, from great speakers, and great people, to great bands, and tolerable food.

Loads of stuff happening, all the time. But what if you’re someone whose attention gets distracted at the best of times.

What if you find yourself wanting something a little different to do?* Here are ten ideas of alternative activities that can be done at a Christian festival.

1. Say “Amen” with every point that the speaker makes. Get gradually louder as the talk progresses. Encourage others around you to join. See how loud you can all get. **
2. If attending any Soul Survivor festival, dress like your attending a funeral. All week. And everytime some says “Soul Survivor”, you whisper”Long may it Rest in Peace”.
3. Are you attending Creation Fest? Set up a stall saying, “Cream First. Change my mind”
4. Facebook friend EVERYONE YOU MEET!!! Show you’re an awesome Christian by tagging them in inspirational Bible verse images.
   Once an hour.
   Every hour.
5. See anyone eating bread? Offer them a glass of red wine. So they can eat like Jesus ate.***
6. Start a rumour that the rumour about Delirious having a reunion show at the festival is simply a rumour. See what happens.
7. If stuck in a heatwave. Play “Rain Down” really loudly, on an old guitar. Explain that you’re praying for the rain to come.
8. See anyone drinking wine? Ask if you can share their communion.
9. Live stream your whole festival experience on Facebook Live. ALL of it. Let me know what happens.
10. Apologise for the late night guitar playing, by serving really strong decaff coffee every morning to the tents around you. Serve proper stuff in the evenings.

Any more you think that should be added?

* Please be careful. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility if you end up in Christian festival jail… or actual jail… or where ever…
**Be careful. This may lead to accidental reports of Revival breaking out. Due to you messing around.
On second thoughts. That could be quite funny.
*** MIght get expensive.

What To Pack For A Christian Festival?

Welcome to Christian festival season. The time of year when Church buildings become empty, and fields become full of Christian Festivals taking place. With Christian festivals such as Edgefest, New Wine, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

But what should you pack to a Christian Festival? What should you try and force into your suitcase? (If anything at all?) Here is the Church Sofa kit list of things to pack for a Christian Festival. (With affiliate links below)

1. Portable Battery Charger. You know… so you can keep your smart phone charged. Important as how else are you going to read the Bible? (Also helpful for sending tweets to @TheChurchSofa)
2. Bacon. Bacon is awesome. Be awesome.
3. Guitar. For leading early morning worship sessions.
4. Wine. Recently brought. Because what else would you drink?
5. A Survival skills handbook. Because you never when you may need to show your best “Bear Grylls Skills”.
6. Fire lighters, in case calling down fire from heaven, doesn’t light your little barbecue.
7. In case it gets to wet to take out your phone, pack a Waterproof Bible.
8. A paper map of the festival. Useful for noting down things like secret tunnels,  quiet showers, and people generous with wine.
9. Water pistols. In case baptisms are needed.
10. Earplugs. In case your neighbors have also brought a guitar.

What have I missed from the above?

*Perform any of the implied actions above at your risk. Church Sofa doesn’t take any responsibility for most things, not even you ending up in Christian Festival Jail.

Missing The Christian Festival Vibe?

Are you recently home from a Christian Festival? Missing it? Are you missing not just the people, the worship, the Bible teaching, but are you missing the whole vibe of being there?

Here are the Church Sofa 10 tips to recreate the Christian Festival Vibe in your life.

1. Don’t Shower.
2. Hang around outside playing an acoustic guitar. At 11:30pm.
3. Have bare feet while visiting your local Christian bookshop. Better if they are muddy.
4. Always use the outside toilet. Don’t have one? Improvise.
5. Insist on paying money for the after church coffee.
6. Get rid of your old wine*. Only drink New Wine.
7. Volunteer for the sound team at church, adjust the worship teams volume up to 11.
8. Have a garden? Get your tent out – that’s your new bedroom.  (Also see point 2) 
9. Don’t shower before Church. Muddy bare feet are again a bonus. 
10. Expect miracles.

*Contact Sofa for information on how to remove your old wine. 

10 Games During an Online Christian Conference

Let’s face it. Everything is online these days, you don’t need me to tell you why, we all know the reason why. We know everything is online now, from church services to conferences and training. So how do you have fun at these things, when you are socially distanced away from your partner in crime?

May we share some ideas with our 10 Games During an Online Christian Conference.

1. If you’re on a zoom call, what’s the weirdest book you can have in the background? Yet, still very biblical? For example, is there anything about “Song of Songs” you could put up there?
2. WhatsApp messages to a friend see if you can make them laugh on the call.
3. Do you know the number of the person presenting? See if their phone is on silent?
4. If on camera, try and write a secret message involving notes pinned to the wall behind you.
5. How much do your pyjamas look like normal clothes? See what other people think.
6. Test yourself. How much coffee can you drink before the first break.
7. On a zoom chat? Try and set it so your camera displays a static image of you. Pretend you’re having technical difficulties.
8. Be kind to the person presenting, and deliver a gift to their home. Bonus points if you can manage it, whilst they are presenting. (Only works if you know the person, and they are presenting from home – or its just weird)
9. If there’s a group chat, see how many people you can encourage to start using bizarre phrases within the chat. Use phrases like “hedge of protection” or “pivot” like they are normal, and see who else catches on.
10. Can you get away with going to the toilet? (Top tip. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO VIDEO CALLS.)

Are there any I’ve missed out? For example, could there be a way to brainwash Shine Jesus Shine into people’s heads?

Misbehaving at a Manchester Christian Festival

Over the next month and a bit the Christian Festival circuit will continue to burst back into life from the covid hibernation. With festivals such as Keswick, Greenbelt. Satellites, Creation Fest, there is also Festival Manchester. Or #FestivalManchester according to Twitter.

As a former Manchester student, I couldn’t resist the prompt to imagine different ways to misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

Obviously if you get into trouble for any of this, well… don’t blame me.

Anyway…

11 Ways to Misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

1. Wear a red shirt, chant “City are the Best!”, then wait for the forbearance of Christ to be displayed around you.
2. Cosplay as a Christian Gallagher brother.
3. Bring  a petition for an annual Manchester Passion.
4. Walk around blessing everyone, in a Scouse accent.
5. Advertise a City of Manchester event. Address of the event is in Salford.
6. Spread a rumour that The World Wide Message Tribe are back. Sob quietly when you realise that young people are looking at you, with a look of confused worry across their face.
7. Bring a sign offering free hugs to Manchester United supporters.
8. Offer baptisms in the canal.
9. Start a survey asking if Jesus had a brew, what would it be.
10. Ask why songs by James / oasis / Happy Mondays / The Smiths / Joy Division aren’t in the worship set list.
11. Go the pub. Party. Ache the next morning when you remember that you’re not a student anymore, and Iittle child is jumping on you.

Any more that should be added? Please comment below.