Category: Church Life

The 5 Most Commonly Misheard Worship Songs

Andy MLeave a comment

The Sofa is pleased to share this guest blog from Kate from Londonwithatoddler.com. Kate describes herself as a “mother, writer, thinker. Granted, the kind of things I think about are along the lines of “What’s that smell?” or “Where can I buy chocolate around here?”, so maybe not that much of a thinker.  But I am definitely the first two”. Here’s her take on a couple of worship songs:

Worship is great. There’s nothing like opening yourself up to receive the Holy Spirit through the medium of music and…hold up, what did they just say?!
It turns out that the people who write worship songs are, unlike God, fallible. And sometimes, amidst the wonderful words they pour out, a little lyrical nugget will hit the wrong note. Which is where our great misheard worship lyrics come from. So, presenting the 5 most commonly misheard worship songs*

5) “God I Look to You”

Some worship songs come along at just the right time. In the aftermath of the riots in 2011, London needed a song of affirmation and focus on God. Freshly released was this simple but beautiful song about reaching out to Him in the most difficult of circumstances.
Which was all lovely. But when you’ve lived in South London for a decade, you simply can’t sing the line “Forever, all my days” without putting on a Peckham accent and saying “Oh My Days”. With the hand gestures. You just can’t. Well, maybe it’s just me that can’t. It also contains the line “You know just what to do”, which always makes me think of an SAS officer briefing his men on a secret raid. Try saying that without raising an eyebrow, nodding and trying to exude military authority.

4) “You are my Shelter”

Coming up, a pair of songs that have the ability to change the very nature of God. And first off is this 2001 Vineyard number. The problem lies in the third verse and the lyric “Your unchanging nature/Sustains me in uncertainty”. Nothing theologically unsound there, right? God is unchanging. Except the lyricist didn’t really leave enough space in the bar to fit the four syllables of “your unchanging” in. There’s a – and forgive me for getting technical here – minim rest at the start of the bar, taking up half of it and then “nature” hits the start of the next bar, leaving “your unchanging” squashed into just two beats. What inevitably gets lost? The “un”. It’s an undeniable fact that “Your changing nature” scans much better. But it does throw the whole of the Bible into question so it might be better for worship leaders to just practise this one in front of the mirror. A lot.

3) “Your Love Never Fails”

On that subject, here’s one that even seasoned worship leaders get wrong…and they may not even realise. One seasoned worship leader, who asked not to be named, humiliated or excommunicated, explained it thus – there is no “cause”. It’s a “but”. If you sing “The chasm is far too wide/I never thought I’d reach the other side/Cause Your love never fails” it sounds like God’s unfailing love is the reason why you’re plummeting into that chasm. It’s “But Your love never fails”. That’s the line that makes theological sense. Yet still, the first version seems to trip off the tongue so much better, doesn’t it? It obviously doesn’t help that the first half of the verse has a “Cause Your love never fails” in it. When you’re in mid worship-flow, it can be really tough to remember which way round they go but don’t worry – no-one notices. Except your keyboard player. They notice everything.

2) “One Thing Remains”

Yup, two Jesus Culture songs in a row…and it’s that other one that uses the lyric “Your love never fails”. It’s not that bit I take issue with though – it’s the third line of the first verse, which says “Constant through the trial and the change”. It would be perfectly innocuous, if “The Change” wasn’t an unfortunate euphemism for the menopause. I can’t sing it without sniggering.

1) Everlasting God

I’m very fond of this last one, as it reminds me of a happier, more innocent time. It’s the line “You’re the defender of the weak”, which is a nice sentiment but it sounds like a feature in my brother’s “Shoot” comics when we were growing up. Every issue had a “Striker of the Week”, so why not a “Defender of the Week” too? And really, Jesus would make an excellent defender – being omnipresent and all. You’d never get past him. It’d be easier to get a camel through the eye of needle than a ball past Jesus.

*Misheard by me. Some would say deliberately.

What have you misheard?

10 Tips For Playing The Keyboard in Worship

Andy MLeave a comment

The Sofa is pleased to share this guest blog from Kate from Londonwithatoddler.com. Kate describes herself as a “mother, writer, thinker. Granted, the kind of things I think about are along the lines of “What’s that smell?” or “Where can I buy chocolate around here?”, so maybe not that much of a thinker.  But I am definitely the first two”. Here she’s sharing her top ten tips for playing the keyboard in worship in Church.

Ten Tips for Playing the Keyboard in Worship

Like the church, the worship band is a body. And if the worship leader is the head, then the keyboard player is the liver – solid, always there and not really noticed until it goes wrong. But there is a lot of joy to be had sitting at the back, playing along, occasionally slipping the melody from “Let it Go” into poignant moments. And with our Ten Tips for Keyboard Players, we’re going to teach you how to be the best liver you can possibly be.

1. Know your place

As I might have mentioned, keyboard players are a bit of a supporting role, in secular bands as well as worship bands. For every Jean Michel Jarre, there’s a dozen session musicians. Bands may recruit a keyboard player for their tours, but they never make it onto the album cover.

In worship, the keyboard is normally there to add weight to choruses, support the rhythm and fill in gaps where the worship leader gets confused. You’re never the centre of attention, but that’s the heart of worship isn’t it? Banish all thoughts of being the next Timmy Jupp and concentrate on building a beautiful sound.

2. Know when to play and when not to

And on that note (pun intended), one of the first skills you learn is when not to play.  There’s a famous video of “Oceans” by Hillsong, where the drummer goes a little crazy on the drum fills, stamping all over the mellow and stripped-back vibe the singer was trying to create. Don’t be that guy. Worship songs often start with just guitar and vocals and you might come in on the repeat of the first verse, or the first chorus, or even the second verse. Obviously take your cue from the worship leader but also try and feel how the song is going – if you’re heading towards a quiet bridge, drop out and come back as it builds up again. It takes a bit of time to get used to when to play and when not to, and you might still get it wrong. But it’s a skill worth practising.

3. Learn to transpose

One of your chief bugbears will be people who only play the guitar. They change key by just slapping on a capo and assume everyone else can do the same. Have you ever put a capo on a keyboard? It just kinda rattles and doesn’t do anything useful. There’s often a “transpose” button that does the job of changing key, but if you don’t have a screen these can be fraught with danger. How many keys did we move up? And how many do we need to move down for the next song? I’m playing a G but it doesn’t sound like a G…what is going on?

A more durable life skill is to get familiar with the different keys and learn to transpose. Most worship songs need the same 5 chords to play, so there aren’t that many chord groups to learn. But just knowing that going up a tone from C gives you a chord group of D/F#m/G/A/Bm instead of C/Em/F/G/Am prepares you for those “I’m sticking a capo on it” moments. And one fret on a guitar = one semitone. But you hope your worship leader would at least mouth “Bb” at you in that way that they do as you’re starting the song. It all helps.

4. Don’t get too enthusiastic

A simple one next. No matter how much you’re building the song, and how much passion you put into your playing, don’t ever play so hard that the keyboard stand collapses. It kills the mood. Trust me on this one.

5. Know how to improvise

Easier said than done, but improvising is a really useful thing to be able to do in worship. If it all takes a bit of a free-singing turn, you can pretty much go nuts (now is the time to prophetically play “Let it Go” over the congregation. You never know – it might really speak to someone). The easiest way is just to play around the notes of the chords – some arpeggios here, a little flowery bit there  – rather than attempting a melody. Practise at home until you get confident, so that when the worship leader breaks a string and looks round at you in panic, you’ll be able to smoothly take over.

6. Chords are your Friend

Related to that point – you’ll find that a lot of worship playing is more about playing chords than picking out the melody of the song. Of course, it’s different if you’re the only musician – then you might want to play the melody and the chords, for a fuller sound (especially if you don’t like singing!). But in a band, there’s a lot going on so it’s best to play chords, with both hands. It might sound boring, but it gives you a good basis for improvising and makes it way easier to play by ear (assuming you can hear yourself…I never can…so I use chord sheets, or scribbled chords on the back of a receipt if the worship leader’s left the music at home. Another advantage of playing chords = your music is the same as a guitarist’s).

7. Mind out for the demo button

Oh, you think it can never happen to you, do you? You think you’ll never lean over to adjust your music and your wrist will lightly brush the button that sends a wave of “Venus” across the congregation? Well, it happened to Martin Smith…

8. Take your cues from the Drummer

I know, I know… I barely even acknowledge the drummer, but he does come in useful sometimes. If you’re unsure of what kinda level you should be playing at, listen to the drums – if they’re using those bamboo stick things, it’s a good bet that you should be pretty soft as well, or not even playing at all (see point 2). If the rhythm is more driving, you can mimic that with the way you play chords. And when they do a massive drum fill that goes on for ten minutes, rebuke them. Publicly, if possible.

9. Learn the hand signals

Tricky one this, as every worship leader has their own hand signals but it’s good to have some kind of understanding about what your worship leader is trying to tell you. An upward motion means “Play Louder”, a circular one means “Keep Going” and them falling to the floor means they’ve been slain in the Spirit, in which case you should both “Play Louder” and “Keep Going” until you see that universal signal from the meeting leader that means “Stop” (it’s a tapping of the watch, in case you aren’t familiar with it). Also learn your own sign language, for informing confused Visuals people what the next song is. “Open the Eyes of my Heart” is particularly satisfying to mime.

 10. Learn to play the guitar

After all these tips, this seems like a bit of a defeatist one. Ah, just give up and learn the guitar…stardom awaits! But that’s not why I say it. More than a basic knowledge of guitar chords means you can play from watching the shape of the worship leader’s hand. You’d be amazed how often that skill comes in useful…

And now you’re set! Go and be free to worship like David did, only with a few more clothes on..

Heres that Martin Smith moment…

Exeter Church List

Andy MLeave a comment

It looks like someone came to visit the sofa after doing a search for: “god please find me a church in exeter uk”. Well… If you come back, here are some Exeter based Church websites to possibly help you find a Church in Exeter.  (As well as links to other things that may at least make you smile)

Hope there’s something here useful?

Please leave a comment below if you’ve found the above useful, or if you’d would like to share your Exeter Church website – please leave the website address below... and be nice about it!

How Christians Should Host A Meal.

Andy MLeave a comment

Imagine the scenario. You’ve gone along to Church, sat through a sermon, and found the sermon was about the simple act of having a meal. The catch is, that you’re being encouraged to invite people around for a meal with you, as a way of “doing church”.

This may leave you walking out the Church with questions rolling around your head. Mainly, how should Christians host a meal?

Here’s a few pointers:

  1. Watch your guests as they’re about to eat some bread.As it goes into their mouth, lean over to them, look into their eyes, and ask “Do you know that Jesus is the bread of life?”
  2. Treat the person on your right hand side far better then anyone else on the table.
  3. At the start of the meal. Hold hands. Sing grace. Loudly. For at least ten minutes. Whilst looking around, deeply into each others eyes.
  4. To be really Christian, sing it in Latin.
  5. Serve cross shaped pasta.
  6. Don’t sit in a chair. Sit on a spike. Remember, we dont want to be to comfortable at any point.
  7. Ensure you serve Turnip.
  8. Everytime red wine is poured, say “this is my blood”. Even if it’s not you doing the pouring.
  9. Does someone need to help open a difficult jar or bottle? If you succed in helping then you earn the right to be called Samson for the rest of the meal.
  10. If anyone asks for seconds, point and scream at them “Gluttony!!!”

The Church Sofa accepts no responsibility for any physical, mental, or emotional damage caused by any of the above.

Characters you find in Church Limbo

Andy MLeave a comment

Every now and then recently I’ve found myself in “Church Limbo”. Its that weird space in Church when you’re not in a Church service, you’re not in a childrens / youth group, but you’re somewhere in between groups and activities.

Simply put, you’ve found yourself at Church, but not in Church. (Or at least not the normal standard official way of thinking about it anyway) .

Here is a list of characters I’ve spotted also hanging out in Church Limbo

  1. Little terrorists Toddlers  refusing to go into groups
  2. Lost new comer fighting their way out of the crèche, and into the main service.
  3. Groups of adults refusing to go in, possibly smoking behind the bible shelves.
  4. Evidence of someone playing Jenga with the spare Bibles.
  5. A very lost and confused pizza delivery person.
  6. Someone kipping on the floor with a sign saying “Wake me during the last hymn”, resting against them.
  7. A visitor wondering around trying to find a sign that will point them towards a toilet.
  8. Group of people enjoying an extended period of fellowship during the sermon.
  9. Local caffeine addict / late shift worker “testing” the coffee.
  10. Worn out parent giving into some of the terrorists demands, and giving the terrorist a biscuit.

Any one I’ve missed out?

10 Ways To Get The Church Leader To Love You

Andy MLeave a comment

Lets face it. There’s a reason why we get nervous about the vicar (or any Church leader) coming to visit us. It’s because the Church Leader is basically the closest to God we can basically get right?

Otherwise, how else would the Church Leader be a Church Leader right?

So following that logic, wouldn’t it be good if the Church leader loved us right?

Here are 10 ways to get the Church Leader to love you.

  1. Raise your hands in worship at least twice every Sunday.
  2. Make it clear that PCC Top Trumps is indeed your favourite game.
  3. During the sermon shout out helpful, slightly related Bible verses, my favourite is 2 Kings 2:23-24.
  4. Doodle complimentary things about God and the Church in the Church Bibles.
  5. As you leave ‘hum’ parts of the sermon to yourself, so he doesn’t feel jealous of the worship leader.
  6. During the sermon shout out AMEN! Every 2 minutes…
  7. Dress like your church leader. Bonus points if you’re not the same gender, or if your Church leader wears really big robes.
  8. Make your ‘fly needs checking’ motions halfway through the service.
  9. At least a week beforehand, ask what their main points in the sermon will be, so you can read up on it. This may also act as a prompt for them to start working on the sermon, which would be even better.
  10. Mark their sermons 10 out of 10 each week. Use big boards, and hold them up at the back of the Church towards the end of sermon. Encourage people around you to cheer and applause when you do.

Any other suggestions that you would add?

Making Church More Exciting

Andy MLeave a comment

Earlier today, Sofa found himself caught in a conversation about how exciting Church… doesn’t always come across as. So this evening after work, a couple of us took a quick survey of the people we could randomly find, and asked them “How would you make church more exciting?”. These are the top ten answers we got:

  1. In door fireworks… At any given moment
  2. Britain’s got talent style buzzers used during the sermon. Give one to every member of the congregation. 
  3. If the preacher goes over the allocated time slot… Paint ball guns…
  4. Mute button on the worship leader for when he / she goes off on one.
  5. The Bible reading as a dramatic 4d experience. 
  6. A gunge tank… Because they’re not used enough these days…
  7. Certain pews are connected to a surprise underground rollercoaster. Perfect seats for visitors / Bishops just popping to say hi. 
  8. The team in charge of song lyrics on screens / handouts subtly change a few lyrics here and there. Watch and see what happens. 
  9. After the service ends – organise fort building challenges using the pews / chairs / leadership team – to help build community.
  10. Employ a clown to welcome people in.

What would you add?

10 Excuses For Being Late to A Church Zoom Meeting

Andy MLeave a comment

Meetings. They can be easy be late to right? Things like travel, people, and last minute things can lead to lateness without too much imagination needed when you need an excuse.

What about Zoom meetings*? You cant be late to a meeting if that meeting is online right? So what can you can say if you’re late to a meeting that is basically in your spare room?

Here’s our collection.

  1. The traffic on the staircase was a nightmare
  2. The kids were climbing on the laptop, which they had managed to smuggle to the top of the climbing frame. The situation needed the best of your negotiation skills.
  3. You had been led to rest in the spirit. (Probably best you don’t say this first thing, as they will guess that you just didn’t wake up)
  4. There was a chaos in the office kitchen.
  5. You were busy praying.
  6. Well, you kinda took the wise choice last night to actually turn off your laptop. The thing is you didn’t take that in account today so you had to wait an age before the laptop let you do anything. (Take the opportunity to begin a crowdfunder for new kit**)
  7. One moment you were waiting for the host to let you in. The next, the Spirit had taken you away. (Yes – to the fridge – but don’t say that)
  8. Launch into a 7 minute long tirade on the dangers of internet, and its influence on our abilty to remain undistracted. At the end, act like nothing was wrong, and carry on regardless.
  9. You were busy arguing on Twitter evangelising online.
  10. If nothing else. Blame the internet. Be glad you’ve put clothes on.

What would you add?

*Obviously other online chat solutions are available.

**Thinking about that could be helpful…

10 Things to do With Old Bible Study Notes

Andy MLeave a comment

Can I talk Bible Studies for one moment? Or at least Bible Study notes? It feels like a product of another time, but our Church went through a time when we were all given bible study booklets for each new study we did in homegroups.

We have built a little collection of Bible study notes over the years, and have had a conversation about what to do with them.

Here’s the list of ideas that we’ve not agreed on.

  1. Build a fort
  2. Create a sheltered passage way to church*.
  3. Build an army of paper plans.
  4. Write down your answers, go back and look at them in a years time. Get hung up on how you got to that answer.
  5. Cut them up and use them as wrapping paper this Christmas.
  6. Use them as conversation starters with your church leader.
  7. Give them as gifts to your neighbours.**
  8. Keep them long enough for your Church to use them again. Use previous notes to appear really clever and that you know what you’re talking about.
  9. Do you host the bible study at home? (You know… when Coronavirus isn’t a thing). Do you need to do some decorating? Are you after some wrapping paper? You know what to do…
  10. Roll them all up, and tape them together. Creating some sort of scriptural flavoured social distancing enforcer bat. 

Any other ideas I should add?

*For when it’s safe and sensible to go back obviously…

** I didn’t say these would make you popular.